efforts & my passion for this particular thing has practically gone down the drain..
i'm real disappointed..
after 2 whole years and 90 days of stupidity i've made,
i thought it was the best decision yet,
i'm wrong again..
everything's gone within a second..


i thought that today would be a happy day for me..
but how wrong i was..
i wasnt even that close to being happy.


i hate james kerk.
he's just being biased lor.. i did ask.
you just dint have to heart to hear wad i was saying.
i'll just prove something to you..
you're just being nice to pretty girls.
you asked me if i'm implying that i'm ugly.
well,
YES. a big yes for you..
i showed you attitude, so wad?
that little peanut wont empty those rage in me.


afternoon time was super saddening.
lots of fucking things happened in the last 1 hr..

some girl said i diao her..
she said i called out her name.
i'm not sure if she's reading this right now..
but, 1 thing i'll like to clarify..

i DID NOT diao you.
i was looking at my classmates & friends there..
e.g, priscilla, si min, eugene.. blah blah.
& 1 more thing..

i never called out your name.
it was some other girl in my class.. i dont even recall calling your name.
i dont know her..


she like.. knew loads of stuffs lah.
she even knows that i like that him..

I HATE KOKILA.
i dont hate her initally..
but now? i do.. alot.
was outside the office, looking for ms kokila.
she came out.. dunno why,
she started saying his name out. i was shocked lah..
i dint even tell her lor.. & yet she knows..
told her to lower down her volume, cos some guy who knew him was behind us.
instead, she called, "benny, come here." i think his name was benny lah..
& said, "this girl want to tell you something."
i walked away quickly.
& she told him that i like that guy lah..
they're like.. best friends.. & they gay ard.
he kept laughing.
i'm super pissed.


they announced the new ex-cos lor..

i'm super pissed. i cant believe that the NEUTRAL PARTY got in. the teachers are like super FUCKING BIASED LA. i know why they didnt choose shiping or my sis or yilian or adeline. its because we're like the protestants. their grp only accomodate 3 people. & if they were to choose the ex-cos, if cos they will choose the lesser grp of people. mrs loh thinks that shiping & her grp are the cause of ALL THE TROUBLES. but, actually, she ACL now, she has a good reputation.. some people and the guides teachers like respect her. and the CL, i felt so betrayed.. she has like.. 2 sided of her.

1: it was very long until the voting starts. she kept telling me about the ACL, she said how bitchy can she get?
2: it was a week before the voting. she suddenly said she was THE NEUTRAL PARTY.

i think she only want to grab more votes, make teachers think highly of her.. how pathetic, you shouldnt resort to this way. dont you know how many people you've hurt??
yes, i'm one of them..

my closest & best friend was in the ex-cos. hooray for her.
i felt so..
so mad. i'm filled with anger.


if any of the new ex-cos sees this,
its your own problem..
i'm not any jealous.
or any of the old ex-cos sees this,
or wankee,
please dont leak out?


now, the only person i believe in,
the only one i can confide in,
is jessie.

she called me, asking if i was feeling okay..
i think its real nice of her.
no one smses me nor come & cheer me up.

& yilian too.

thnks guys (:


now, i just dont know who to face her anymore..
she, my best friend,
i was having abit tears in my eyes..
suddenly, i like heard someone crying too.
guess wad?

she cried.
she said that her heart hurts to see me like this.
she dreads to see me being so upset.
she felt so hurt..

i have absolute nothing to say, just plain shocked at her reactions.
& she told me that my mood changed.. right after announcing the new ex-cos.
she said i wasnt like that before announcing those people.
i was super duper hyper active & having non-stop laughters.

i guess that, whenver my mood swings,
from an extreme joyfulness to extreme sadness,
its so god damn noticeable.


my GOD DAMN LIFE is seriously ruined now!!
more & more people knew that i like him.
hating guides more & more.
thinking of "pon-ing" guides soon.
everything sucks.
come & ask me.
i wont spill everything here.


mummy & i had this long talk..
saying that cca isnt that much of a use..
at most, it will only minus off 1 points from your O lvls.
to me, its very impt.. my studies are getting from bad to worse..
esp my fucking maths.

I WONT JOIN THAT BBC QUEST OR SOMETHING!!
i wont! i'm fucking stubborn..
yes i am. so what?


what emotions am i exactly feeling now?